| Yariv Perelmuter
Joke: Im from Israel right, i
must tell you it's no secret that you Brits don't like
Israelies. I've been living in the UK for 6 years now
and i still receive letters from the council addressed
to the 'Occupier'...
Scott Calonico
Joke: How come you can take the
cap off of super glue?
Catherine Miller
Joke: Why don't cats like shaving?
Because 9 out of 10 prefer Whiskas.
Carwyn Jones - I don't think this one
is original as two people came up with it (in order)
the same week...
Joke: I went to see the doctor
and she said to me "Mr. Jones, you have to stop
masturbating".
I said "Oh no, why?"
She said "because I'm trying to examine you..."
Robbie Wilson
Joke: Bigots are so stupid, like
people who call gay men: 'turd burglars'. Anyone can
see that bumming makes turds harder to steal.
Michael Chandler
Joke: When I went for a visa to
go to Australia they asked if I had a criminal record.
(Pause) I did not know you still needed one!
Fraser
Joke: Dating sites are fundamentally
flawed. Your have to judge someone based on a little
profile, and guys and girls read those in different
ways. I went out with a girl who said that she was adventurous,
spontaneous and would try anything once.... Which i
took to mean, she took it up the arse on a first date...
NOoooo, actually she turned out to be a suicide bomber
Bob Hanson
Joke: Q: Why do birds suddenly
appear every time you are near?
A: I'm a beater on a grouse shoot.
Dave Bromage
Joke: Just joined one of those
social networking websites but found out it's supposed
to be for Egyptians only.
It's called Fezbook.
Deborah Basckin
Joke: What's ET short for? That's
just the way he is...
Oli Stephens
Joke: My girlfriend though she
might be pregnant, so I got her one of these home pregnancy
tests. I took the stick out of the box, told her to
go into the toilet and do her business on it. I said
to her, "Has it turned blue yet?" She said,
"No, it's still brown."
Edward Hands
Joke: A three-year-old little
boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.
"Mum," he asked, "are these my brains?"
His mother replied, "Not yet".
Kelly Hamilton
Joke:: How does Good King Wenceslas
like his pizzas? Deep pan,crisp and even.
Oli Stephens
Joke: I found this announcement
in the paper: Police are looking for a man, mid-twenties,
long black hair, at least 6 foot tall, owning a motorbike.
Persons meeting this description should make contact
with WPC Yates in connection with her recent divorce
and intent to find a man who can show her a good time.
Must like women in uniform. Handcuffs supplied.
Joshua Ryan
Joke: Q: What goes "Ooooooo"?
A: A cow without lips.
Colin Martin
Joke: Just started anew job. Management
have a strange way of making yes and no decisions. Some
roll a dice evens is yes odds is no. Others flip a coin
heads is yes tails is no. Didn't take me long to find
out who are the rollers and who are the tossers
Finlay Taylor
Joke: What do a chav and a gillette
fusion have in common? both carry 5 blades
Periwhyte
Joke: Codger: ee
son `ave benn a labour supporter all me life..now ahm
dyin ah want yoo to git me papers to join Tory party...
son: to
join Tory party da`.. why ?
codger:
..ah`d rather one of them bastards died than one of
us !
Mick McGrath
Joke: Did you hear about the gypsies
who won the lottery?
They were paid in traveller's cheques.
Luke Benson
Joke: Did you know you make the
same noise as two coconut halves walking down the street...by
banging two horses together?
Cal Saville
Joke: A friend asked me why entertainers
don't do funerals. I said I tried once. I opened up
by saying, 'We're here to mourning the passing of Steve,
who once told me he'd never be seen dead at one of my
gigs. I guess he was wrong.'
Amazingly, no one there booked me for their funeral.
Jon Buchan
Jokes:
Which one actor never thanks god
when he wins an award? Christian Slater!
People look down upon transexuals,
but you gotta admit: sex change operations take balls.
Philip Sutton
Joke: You think kids have got
it tough in the mean streets of Elephant & Castle,
it's much worse up here...we only have 23 letters to
the alphabet, 'cos we have no NHS!!!
Mark Needham
Joke: Did you hear about the clothing
store that was burnt to rubble on Oxford Street? They
said it was a New Look
Tink
Joke: Two pieces of rope walk
into a bar, the bar man says we don't serve rope. The
two pieces go outisde and tie them selves together as
well as messing up their hair. When they go back in
the bar man asks are you rope? and they reply, were
afraid not.
Mark Restuccia
Joke: My mate works in a donkey
graveyard. He's not enjoying though, says its full of
ass-holes
Huw Bromage
Joke:: Whats a shitzu? I thought
is was one with no penguins.
Alicia Zmitrowicz
Joke: If you ask a man why one
of there lot climb Everest they'll proclaim "because
it's THERE" Yes well the ironing is "THERE"
but they don't want to do THAT. They don't want to tackle
that particular mountain.
Tim Kelly
Joke:: Why does Tony listen to
George? - The last time anyone listened to a Bush the
Israelites spent 40 years wandering in the desert.
Dave Sims
Joke: A drunk father staggers
up his driveway at home, where his son is working on
his car.
"What's wrong, Son?" he asked
"Piston broke," came the reply.
The dad says,
"Me to"
Nick Rado
Joke: What do you call a Black
man flying a plane? ... A pilot you racists!
Tom Deacon
Joke: I wondered why the frisby
was getting bigger, and then it hit me.
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