| Sam Tabersham
Joke:: I was never one of the
popular kids at school. Even my imanginary friend thought
I was a f***ing twat.
James Davis
Joke: KNOCK KNOCK! who's there?
THE POLICE! the police who?
STOP PISSING ABOUT IT'S THE POLICE.
Big Tom
Joke: A bald man with one leg
wanted to go to a fancy dress party but he didn't know
what to go as. He wrote to a fancy dress company and
asked for a recommendation. The reply came back saying
that he could go as a monk becasue of his bald head.
He replied angrily saying that they were just being
rude about his bald head.
The company apologized and wrote back saying that he
could go as a pirate, his bald head could be covered
by the hat and his wooden leg would complemnt the outfit.
He replied angrily saying they were just being rude
about his wooden leg.
A few days later he recieved a parcel with a note. In
the parcel was a pot of sticky toffee and the note said
smear the toffee over your head, stick your wooden leg
up your arse and go as a toffee apple!
Carl Hutchinson
Joke: Went to a housewarming party,
they said bring a gift, i brought them a boiler and
2 radiators.
Ian Hawkins
Joke: My father was a remote,
distant man. He was a polar explorer.
Hilary Taylor
Joke: On hearing the news that
Saddam Hussein had been executed, Elton John was quick
to record a memorial record. The single "Dangle
in the Wind" is released Monday.
Stu Hepcat
Joke: Hey just been back from
Vegas, what a town. Iv'e come up with a system for the
gambling, as soon as you get off the plane at McCarran
airport...walk straight into the propeller!
Danny Davis
Joke: I met a girl recently, sweet
looking, and things went well first time we went out....we
went back to her place and...you know....we became intimate....and
I said to her, because she looked sooooooooooo sweet.....am
I the first man that you've slept with....and she says
"Maybe, your face looks familiar
Kris Nixon
Joke: What noise does a cow make?............................Moo
What noise does a sheep make?............................Bah
What noise does an Oyster make?...............................Beep.
or BEEP BEEP if you're short of cash
James Aukett
Joke: Welcome to the 2007 Budget
- or as I like to call it, "Future Prime Minister's
Question Time"!
Ed O'Meara
Joke: I wanted to defend myself
on the street so thought about getting some pepper spray.
The online stuff is expensive so I decided to make my
own. The trouble is that I don't know how much pepper
to grind in. Too much and I might clog up the nozzle,
too little and I might just season my attacker - I want
to incapacitate him, not improve his flavour.
Ben Van der Velde
Joke: I destroyed a Burberry shop
with a combine harvester in the name of middle class
elitism. I was separating the wheat from the chav.
Davey Butler
Joke: If you cut an eskimo in
half is it like an artic roll?
Paul Osborne
Joke: I went to that Charles Dickens
museum near Kings Cross the other day. It was good,
but a little too Dickensian for me.
Kirsty Hudson
Joke: I visisted the doctors recently,
the doctor says to me, have you thought about losing
weight? He then says I can refer you to a nutrionist
to teach you how to eat. I am 5ft and i weigh 13 stone
, I am thinking is it not clear i am fantastic in that
area already!
Jak Amneziak
Joke: Why did the lion get lost?
coz jungle is massive!
AA Lorber
Joke: Nurse to doctor: Doctor,
do you realise you have a suppository behind your ear!
Doctor to nurse: I know, some bum's got my pencil.
Tom Waters
Joke: How do you make a duck sing
the blues? Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers.
Brendan Naughton
Joke: Did you ever wonder what
gerbils do for kinky sex?
Kevin Rice
Joke: I went out with a mermaid
once. She said she was ending it because I was too shellfish.
Dan Moore
Joke: What do you get if you cross
Jesus?
Christianity
Phil McHugh
Joke: I had a fight with one of
the blokes in B&Q. He started it ,he ran up to me
and said "Do you want deckin'?"
iMac Hunt
Joke: Did you hear the two horny
maggots?
They came in pears!
Chuquai Billy
Joke: My GP is getting mixed in
his old age. Last week, he grabbed my knee and told
me to cough, then he hit me in the balls with a hammer.
Alex Caldwell
Joke: People say we are too soft
on crime in this country, but they're even more lenient
abroad. In Iraq, Saddam Hussain was responsible for
mass genocide, and all he got was a suspended sentence!
Alex Lasarev
Joke: I'm going to start a cleaning
business and hire only Multi racial Employees.
I'm going to call it, Ethnic Cleansing.
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